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Christian ‘Bachelor’ alum promotes spanking. Why is it harmful?

(RNS) — Grant Troutt, husband of “The Bachelor” alum and Christian influencer Madison Prewett, enthused on her recent “Stay True” podcast, “It will be hilarious when we start spanking [our daughter] Hosanna — which we will.” Madison clarified that “The Bible specifically talks about discipline with ‘the rod.’” The internet response was swift and polarized.

About half of American Protestants identify as evangelical, and “spanking” has long been a staple of Christian parenting resources. Christians who believe God requires them to spank wave away ethical concerns and research that robustly demonstrates the harm. Spanking advocates also ignore the warnings coming from adult children raised in evangelical homes who experienced religious trauma, delayed development, inauthentic relationships and painful estrangement. Some adults identify spanking as a destructive practice that damaged relationships with parents and siblings, skewed their view of God and, in some cases, led to confusing and unwanted sexual arousal or the beginning of self-harm practices.



As we write in our upcoming book “The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families,” my co-author and I interviewed parents and adult children who were formed by Christian liturgies for spanking. I wish Madison and Grant could listen to some of those stories, including older parents who, looking back, identify deep regrets, grief and a sense of betrayal. It’s a heartbreaking reckoning, sometimes forestalled by the fragility and defensiveness of dogmatic Christians unwilling to consider alternatives. Instead, they double-down, misquoting “Spare the rod, spoil the child” as if it were a Bible verse. (It’s not.)

These parents probably intend to refer to a handful of verses in the book of the Bible called Proverbs, a collection of wise sayings from the ancient Near East. Reading these Bible verses and landing at “hit toddlers and preschoolers on the bottom with your hand or a wooden spoon and make sure to pray afterward” is a bizarre understanding, especially given the way most evangelicals read over other Proverbs. I don’t come across many Christians putting knives to their throats when they overeat, offering the suffering beer and wine, or somehow answering a fool while also not answering him. 

I have many theories about why Christian parents are so reluctant to give up corporal punishment of children that include sunk-cost fallacies, theological frameworks, commitments to hierarchies of authority, a lack of curiosity in seeking out alternatives, and the collective dehumanization of children. In the dozens of Christian parenting manuals I’ve read, one thing that sticks out is how confidently self-platformed authors dish out advice when they still have very young children. Author James Dobson wrote his bestselling book “Dare to Discipline as father of a preschooler and infant. Parenting influencer Ginger Hubbard penned the still-popular “Don’t Make Me Count to Three” while mothering early-elementary-age children. Pastor Larry Tomczak published the as-bad-as-it-sounds “God, the Rod, and Your Child’s Bod” as the parent of a toddler.

webRNS Sad Child1 Christian 'Bachelor' alum promotes spanking. Why is it harmful?

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These authors, like Madison and Grant, offered almost entirely theoretical advice with the confidence that only comes from people who imagine they speak for God.



Telling overwhelmed parents that God requires them to spank children who don’t instantly obey, while subtracting nonviolent alternatives, results in a toxic equation where parents are likely to escalate their disciplinary measures in order to achieve compliance. It’s a situation ripe for abuse and, in fact, grooms children for it in many ways. 

So, no, it isn’t “hilarious” when any parent starts spanking their children. Christians, we can stop laughing about spanking from pulpits, can stop circulating myths that shepherds break sheep’s legs and, for God’s sake, let’s stop blaming God for our shortsighted parenting practices. Let’s not catechize our families into theological frameworks that represent God as detached and cruel, or an angry parent who doesn’t care who gets punished so long as somebody suffers. What a far cry from the life and teaching of Jesus Christ, who taught us to love God and to love our neighbors, especially our smallest and newest ones.

(Marissa Franks Burt is a novelist, editor, pastor’s wife, mother to six and co-author of the forthcoming book “The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families” (October 2025). Her website is marissaburt.com. The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily reflect those of Religion News Service.)